Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it can feel profoundly isolating. If you're reading this, you may be in the midst of loss—or perhaps you're trying to understand why grief from long ago still surfaces. Either way, we want you to know: what you're experiencing is valid, and you don't have to navigate it alone.
Understanding Grief
Grief is our natural response to loss. While we often associate it with death, grief can accompany many types of loss:
- The death of a loved one (including pets)
- End of a relationship or marriage
- Loss of a job or career
- Health changes or diagnosis
- Loss of a dream or expected future
- Major life transitions (children leaving home, retirement)
- Loss of safety or security after trauma
Whatever your loss, your grief is real and deserves to be honored.
What Grief Actually Looks Like
You may have heard of the "five stages of grief" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). While this framework can be useful, grief rarely follows a neat progression. In reality, grief is messy, non-linear, and highly individual.
Grief may show up as:
- Emotional waves: Sadness, anger, guilt, relief, numbness—sometimes all in the same hour
- Physical symptoms: Fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep difficulties, aches and pains
- Cognitive changes: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, confusion, preoccupation with the loss
- Behavioral shifts: Social withdrawal, restlessness, crying, searching behaviors
- Spiritual questioning: Wondering about meaning, fairness, or your beliefs
All of these responses are normal. There's no "right" way to grieve.
Common Grief Experiences
"I Should Be Over This By Now"
There's no timeline for grief. Society often expects us to "move on" within weeks or months, but significant losses can affect us for years. Anniversary dates, holidays, and unexpected triggers can bring grief flooding back even after long periods of feeling okay.
Grief doesn't mean you're stuck or doing something wrong. It means you loved.
"I Feel Guilty for Laughing/Enjoying Life"
Experiencing moments of joy or normalcy doesn't mean you've forgotten your loss or that you didn't love deeply enough. Humans are capable of holding grief and joy simultaneously. Allowing yourself moments of lightness isn't betrayal—it's survival.
"I Feel Angry"
Anger is a normal part of grief—at the person who died, at yourself, at God or the universe, at the unfairness of it all. Anger often masks the more vulnerable feelings underneath: helplessness, fear, profound sadness. Let yourself feel it without judgment.
"I'm Grieving a Complicated Relationship"
Grief becomes especially complex when our relationship with the person or thing we've lost was complicated—marked by conflict, ambivalence, abuse, or estrangement. You might feel guilty for not grieving "enough," or confused by grief for someone who hurt you. This is one of the most difficult forms of grief, and professional support can be particularly valuable.
Navigating Your Grief: What Might Help
Allow Yourself to Feel
Suppressing grief doesn't make it go away—it just delays and complicates the process. Give yourself permission to feel whatever arises, even when it's uncomfortable. Cry if you need to. Sit with the sadness. It will shift.
Take Care of Your Body
Grief is exhausting. As much as possible, try to:
- Get adequate sleep (even if it's fragmented)
- Eat nourishing food, even when you don't feel hungry
- Move your body gently—walks, stretching, whatever feels manageable
- Limit alcohol and other substances that can complicate grief
Lean on Support
You don't have to grieve alone. Let trusted people in—not to fix your grief, but to witness it. Sometimes just having someone sit with you in the pain is enough.
Create Rituals
Many people find comfort in rituals that honor their loss: lighting a candle, visiting a meaningful place, creating a memory box, writing letters to the person they've lost. These practices can help externalize grief and create structure around formless pain.
Be Patient with Yourself
Grief takes enormous energy. Lower your expectations for yourself during this time. The dishes can wait. The email can wait. Right now, your job is to survive and gradually heal.
When to Seek Professional Support
While grief itself isn't a disorder requiring treatment, sometimes grief becomes "complicated"—stuck, overwhelming, or accompanied by symptoms that significantly impair functioning. Consider seeking professional support if:
- You're having persistent thoughts of suicide or self-harm
- Grief is preventing you from functioning in daily life for an extended period
- You're using substances to cope
- You're experiencing prolonged inability to accept the reality of the loss
- You're isolating completely and refusing all support
- You simply want support navigating this difficult experience
Grief therapy doesn't rush you through your loss. A skilled therapist provides a safe space to process, helps you understand your grief responses, and supports you in integrating the loss into your ongoing life.
Carrying Grief Forward
Here's a truth that may feel counterintuitive: you will never fully "get over" a significant loss. Instead, you will learn to carry it differently. The grief may always be there, but over time, it typically becomes less constant, less sharp, more integrated into who you are.
Many people find that grief, while devastating, also opens them to greater compassion, deeper appreciation for life, and more authentic relationships. This doesn't make the loss worth it—nothing could do that. But it does suggest that carrying grief can coexist with living a meaningful life.
Be gentle with yourself. Grief is not a problem to be solved, but a process to be lived. You are doing harder work than most people realize.